<h1 class="entry-title" style="text-align: center;">Why Family And Divorce Law Matter To Me </h1>
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<p>I hear "you're a happily married man. Why are you so concerned about divorce law?" often.</p>
<p>Some of you know my back story, and that I'm on marriage number 2. My first marriage ended after 13 years, largely because of my Blue Pill haze and general lack of knowledge in regards to maintaining a marriage. It wasn't bad choice that did us in, it was immaturity and lack of understanding. So when we found ourselves living as room mates, our separation and divorce was far less drama filled than many I've seen. We were both concerned for the children and decided custody arrangements without court intervention. We didn't resent each other and once the initial sting faded we managed to have a very civil divorce.</p>
<h2>Seeing What Divorce Courts Can Do</h2>
<p>So of course people say things like "what are you so upset about? You didn't get reamed in family court!" I know, and I thank my maker and my ex for that quietly in my head more than I'll admit. But, I have friends that didn't fair so well. I've seen bitter, nasty, drag-out divorces, and its truly a chilling thing to witness. So yes, I acknowledge that I have not been beaten down by the full weight of family court. I have not been compelled against my will to follow court ordered rules in order to see my children, but I know men that have. I worked with a man that passed on several promotions, simply because he feared his ex would take him back to court for more child support. And it wasn't that he was unwilling to provide for his son, but it was obvious some of that money went to support the household he was kicked out of, and more troubling to the live in boyfriend that soon followed. Even that would have been bearable if she didn't make visitation as difficult as humanly possible for him.</p>
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<p>When you read real-world stories about <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/09/15/4-issues-to-solve-when-getting-a-divorce/">how child support, custody, and property are handled in divorce</a>, you start to see why a man can “do everything right” and still come out of the process feeling like he has been punished just for being the one who moved out. The law does not care who tried harder, or who sacrificed what; it cares about formulas, guidelines, and precedent.</p>
<h2>Raising Sons In A Hostile Legal Climate</h2>
<p>I also have two boys that will be very shortly diving into the dating and mating game. I certainly don't want to see them wind up on the wrong side of divorce court. Of course I'll do my best to prepare them to avoid it, but if they should find themselves there, I'd like it to be at least fair and equitable when it happens.</p>
<p>Another question I get is something like "you can't be too upset over divorce law since you married again." No, actually I got married again DESPITE divorce law. I still believe in marriage, and I hate that in our current legal climate, I find it difficult to support it. I can't with clear conscience suggest marriage as a path to follow without at least telling men what they are up against. And that means talking about all the nastiness family court has to offer.</p>
<h2>Why So Many Men Check Out</h2>
<p>And this is why I find it hard to belittle young guys that are checking out. They may be the most Red Pill of us all! They've looked at the deal on the table, and decided it isn't worth it. Some say they've given up, but what exactly have they given up on? The chance at being financially ruined by a poor choice? The possibility of being held financially responsible for kids they don't get to see often?</p>
<p>Ideally the world would be a much better place if we all simply did what we should out of some sense of honor. But, the reality is, incentives drive behavior for the vast majority of humanity. Guys are staying in their parents basement playing video games and living subsistence lives because many of them believe it is a BETTER CHOICE than getting married and having a family. To stress this point, our current family law is so hostile to men that many would rather live without mates, without families of their own, and without making any substantial contributions to society than risk the jaws of divorce.</p>
<p>Anyone who doubts this should spend time listening to <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/08/20/dating-advice-for-single-parents-and-after-divorce/">single parents describe life after divorce</a>, especially fathers who lost day-to-day contact with their kids. When the consequences of a breakup include losing your home, your savings, and most of your time with your children, it’s not “commitment-phobia” to hesitate; it’s self-preservation.</p>
<h2>Still Believing In Marriage Anyway</h2>
<p>Did that sink in a bit? Well think about this. If these young guys never find an incentive to better themselves, where will we be in 10 or 20 years? Here I am, an old fellow that actually believes in marriage, looking at these guys and simply shrugging. I can't blame them. I certainly won't try to convince them marriage is in their best interest. At this point, the best I can say is "here's the reality of family law. Here is what is likely to happen if you find yourself in divorce court. If you still think its worth it, give it your best shot!" Yeah, I imagine it would go over like a lead balloon.</p>
<p>So, to answer the question "why do I care about divorce law", because I care about my male friends. I care about my boys. And I care about society.</p>
<p>That’s also why I think men should go into marriage with eyes wide open, which includes understanding tools like <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/02/14/would-you-marry-someone-who-asked-you-to-sign-a-prenup/">a fair prenup that protects both partners</a>. It’s not about planning for divorce; it’s about refusing to pretend the legal system doesn’t exist, and making sure the incentives around commitment don’t punish the very people who still believe in it.</p>
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